Surviving Engagement

A few days after I wrote the blog about feeling frustrated with my fiance, I received a comment from a girl named Niki Aives. Niki wrote that she and her fiance were engaged after 8 years. With all the stresses of the engagement they are now on a "break" and have postponed the wedding. I also have another girlfriend who recently ended her engagement for various reasons...... this is so discouraging! Why does this happen?!?!?! I feel like the minute we become engaged, we enter the "can I deal with this for a lifetime?" stage. It's like we become ultra sensitive to all the little things that have always been there; AND in our defense I think our men begin to challenge us in an effort to keep their individuality. I'll give you an example. Recently Rob has been working really late. Rather than calling to say "eat without me, don't worry, etc." he's just strolling in at 8:00 at night! When I ask that he call me and let me know, he's challenging me saying "you know where I am, what's the big deal?" We've been together for 5 years and this has never come up. Am I being too sensitive or is he just being a butthead?

In the end, I have to have faith that these things will work themselves out. I recognize it's not just him, it's me too. First and foremost we both just need to "take a chill pill" and realize this is natural. Other couples go through this. Then we need to stay focused on our commitment to continuously improve and feed our relationship. Something that has really helped me over the last few weeks has been a website called "Love and Respect". I get weekly devotionals for couples that Rob and I discuss together. Although Love and Respect is a faith based web site, anyone who doesn't consider themselves a "religious" person should still get a lot from it because it touches on basic principles. I highly recommend this site. I also stumbled onto a book called Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith, M.A. I haven't read the book but it looks like fun. She has a bridal- counseling practice, and has had over 200 clients, so I would imagine she has a lot of great tips for brides to-be. I'll definitely put this on my reading list!

Niki, I'm sorry for your separation. I'm sure this has been a painful experience for you and I'm touched by your candor. I really hope you and your fiance can reconcile. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and Chic Blvd's readers.

Best wishes,
Andrea