A few days after I wrote the blog about feeling frustrated with my fiance, I received a comment from a girl named Niki Aives. Niki wrote that she and her fiance were engaged after 8 years. With all the stresses of the engagement they are now on a "break" and have postponed the wedding. I also have another girlfriend who recently ended her engagement for various reasons...... this is so discouraging! Why does this happen?!?!?! I feel like the minute we become engaged, we enter the "can I deal with this for a lifetime?" stage. It's like we become ultra sensitive to all the little things that have always been there; AND in our defense I think our men begin to challenge us in an effort to keep their individuality. I'll give you an example. Recently Rob has been working really late. Rather than calling to say "eat without me, don't worry, etc." he's just strolling in at 8:00 at night! When I ask that he call me and let me know, he's challenging me saying "you know where I am, what's the big deal?" We've been together for 5 years and this has never come up. Am I being too sensitive or is he just being a butthead?
In the end, I have to have faith that these things will work themselves out. I recognize it's not just him, it's me too. First and foremost we both just need to "take a chill pill" and realize this is natural. Other couples go through this. Then we need to stay focused on our commitment to continuously improve and feed our relationship. Something that has really helped me over the last few weeks has been a website called "Love and Respect". I get weekly devotionals for couples that Rob and I discuss together. Although Love and Respect is a faith based web site, anyone who doesn't consider themselves a "religious" person should still get a lot from it because it touches on basic principles. I highly recommend this site. I also stumbled onto a book called Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith, M.A. I haven't read the book but it looks like fun. She has a bridal- counseling practice, and has had over 200 clients, so I would imagine she has a lot of great tips for brides to-be. I'll definitely put this on my reading list!
Niki, I'm sorry for your separation. I'm sure this has been a painful experience for you and I'm touched by your candor. I really hope you and your fiance can reconcile. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and Chic Blvd's readers.
Best wishes,
Andrea
Friday, March 31, 2006
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2 comments:
Hey hun~
I'm so glad you were able to pick a location together and set the official date. I was praying you guys would pull through this.
I agree that this "phase" happens to every couple. You both have a million things running through your head and with worrying completely about the wedding, sometimes one forgets themselves and their partner.
I know sometimes we do not understand our men one bit even though we've known them for what seems forever. Shoot my mom and dad have been married for almost 41 years and the still have to pick their battles. you always are making your love work.
I actually got a hold of a book on CD through Chic Blvd. It's called "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. I really found it helpful to me. It gives you a little extra insight on men when it comes to feeling like you just wanna scream at some of the things they do. I encourage you to either get the book or the CD. You might be surprised at some of the things you learn. I know I was!
I was so frustrated with my boyfriend and something he did. I couldn't understand it. It made no sense to me. Luckily I received the CD shortly after our lil argument and listened to it. Now I have a better understanding of how he goes about doing things.
Anyway, I wish you two the best in the coming months before the wedding. It's only going to feel like it is getting crazier! I know you don't really know me, but If you ever feel you need to talk... Just vent or something, let me know.
I think this is such a great idea by Chic Blvd to do this. Since I am planning my wedding (June 24) I too have been looking for some great resources to read to help plan and prepare for marriage. One site I recommend that has weekly e-mails also is www.familylife.com - it has a couples, husband, and wife options. Good luck with the rest of your plans!
Michelle
PS- I think it is neat to hear about someone that got engaged on my birthday! Nov. 16th is a great day!
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