Surviving Engagement

A few days after I wrote the blog about feeling frustrated with my fiance, I received a comment from a girl named Niki Aives. Niki wrote that she and her fiance were engaged after 8 years. With all the stresses of the engagement they are now on a "break" and have postponed the wedding. I also have another girlfriend who recently ended her engagement for various reasons...... this is so discouraging! Why does this happen?!?!?! I feel like the minute we become engaged, we enter the "can I deal with this for a lifetime?" stage. It's like we become ultra sensitive to all the little things that have always been there; AND in our defense I think our men begin to challenge us in an effort to keep their individuality. I'll give you an example. Recently Rob has been working really late. Rather than calling to say "eat without me, don't worry, etc." he's just strolling in at 8:00 at night! When I ask that he call me and let me know, he's challenging me saying "you know where I am, what's the big deal?" We've been together for 5 years and this has never come up. Am I being too sensitive or is he just being a butthead?

In the end, I have to have faith that these things will work themselves out. I recognize it's not just him, it's me too. First and foremost we both just need to "take a chill pill" and realize this is natural. Other couples go through this. Then we need to stay focused on our commitment to continuously improve and feed our relationship. Something that has really helped me over the last few weeks has been a website called "Love and Respect". I get weekly devotionals for couples that Rob and I discuss together. Although Love and Respect is a faith based web site, anyone who doesn't consider themselves a "religious" person should still get a lot from it because it touches on basic principles. I highly recommend this site. I also stumbled onto a book called Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith, M.A. I haven't read the book but it looks like fun. She has a bridal- counseling practice, and has had over 200 clients, so I would imagine she has a lot of great tips for brides to-be. I'll definitely put this on my reading list!

Niki, I'm sorry for your separation. I'm sure this has been a painful experience for you and I'm touched by your candor. I really hope you and your fiance can reconcile. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and Chic Blvd's readers.

Best wishes,
Andrea

We've decided!

I'm so relieved! We finally decided on a wedding location and I can't be happier. Ponte Winery it is! Last weekend Rob and I spent the day visiting Pala Mesa first and Ponte second. When we went to Pala Mesa he thought the location was "nice"....not exactly the response that I was looking for. When I asked him what he liked most, he said he liked the idea of all the guests staying on the premises and he thought the ceremony site was "cool". I had a feeling he'd say that because when I showed it to him he immediately walked over to the rope attached to the big bell and began pulling it. If the resort didn't know we had arrived on their premises, they knew then!
On our way to Ponte I was feeling a little discouraged because Rob clearly didn't have the reaction I thought he'd have over Pala Mesa. I was growing concerned that he'd have a ho hum attitude about Ponte and I'd seriously cry. Thankfully that was not the case. Right away I could tell he was more engaged. We walked throughout the gift shop and he was checking things out. He mentioned that it smelled good (I think he was hungry). I showed him around the wedding location and described in as much detail how the event would play out. He mentioned the site was much smaller, which I said I found more appealing as opposed to Pala. Pala Mesa is a HUGE location and my fear was that our 115 guest party would be swallowed whole by the resort. When we were done walking around the wedding coordinator Miranda stopped what she was doing to come greet Rob and give him the official tour. That was really sweet considering we didn't have an appointment. She showed him the groom's corridors (which he liked) and the tent and did a really fantastic job of painting a picture of how the night would unfold for him. We ended the tour in her office telling stories and laughing about silly things for almost an hour. She is absolutely adorable and made Rob feel really comfortable. In the end Rob was sold on Ponte, not because it was the most elaborate or the least expensive but because he really enjoyed his experience and felt very comforted by the coordinator. She took the time to get to know us and even talked about her own personal experiences. Ultimately that personal touch is what sealed the deal. Thank you Miranda!

Learning Lessons

Oh my gosh! I am quickly learning that planning a wedding is a labor of love! Now I know you're reading that and probably thinking "Oh boy, it's starting already" but, let me assure you the planning has had nothing to do with it. IT'S MY FIANCE!!! I decided long ago that I wouldn't bother him with the minor details, just the big decisions and ones I thought would be fun for him. Sooo, I searched and searched for the perfect wedding locations and when I narrowed it down to two locations I asked that he set aside an afternoon to check them out. He was busy so I waited a week and asked again. I won't bother you with all the gory details but I'll say this, the conversation didn't go well. In fact, the conversation ended with him suggesting that we postpone the wedding until next year (gasp!). Now, in his defense I must say that he is a first year business owner and is extremely busy, this I know. BUT postponing the wedding should not be the answer. When the dust settled I got to the bottom line, he really didn't know what was expected of him, he doesn't have a lot of time to plan and thought postponement would be safer (with me) than not being present at the tedious appointments. He was WRONG!
Lesson #1 Write out the appointments that you're fiance MUST attend (i.e. engagement pictures, fitting for the suit, WEDDING). Then make a list next to it of the things he might want to be a part of such as cake tasting, food tasting, WEDDING! Then write down all the things you'd never expect him to attend like picking out flowers and invitations. This will help him to understand what is expected of him and will make him feel that he has some control of the situation and you never know, he might actually enjoy himself!
Had I done this in the beginning it would have saved me a painful weekend. Lesson learned!